


My Love Makes Me Blue

by topmarkuniverse



Series: Is this what you wanted? [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, Oblivious Mark, Shy Jackson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2020-04-06 18:55:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19068637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/topmarkuniverse/pseuds/topmarkuniverse
Summary: Jackson is in love with Mark but doesn't know how to deal with it.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Queen_Preferences](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Preferences/gifts).



> My first fic with one of the prompts I really liked. i couldnt do a drabble with it because i liked it too much so i went ahead and dug myself a new grave :)
> 
> I will reveal the exact prompt once the fic is complete. :P that way you will know if i delivered and there won't be any spoilers. 
> 
> And sorry for being MIA and not uploading any drabbles. Now you know why! :P
> 
> @Queen_Preferences thank you for a wonderful prompt. Please don't let anyone know your prompt until I am done <3333 i really really hope you like this.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warning for violence and bullying

Love was not Jackson’s area of expertise but here he was, drowning in it, having jumped headfirst, in spite of knowing what was at stake.

If there was one thing that made Jackson fall in love with Mark, it was his selflessness. Mark was a giver without any expectations in return. He had freed Jackson from the bullies who had endlessly tormented him, helped him get back to his relaxed, happy self, all without expecting anything in return. So, when Jackson looked at Mark, his eyes were almost worshipful, grateful and deeply affectionate.

“What is it? What’s this smile about hmm?” Mark asked, shaking his head fondly.

Jackson wasn’t a big speaker ever since he had started getting bullied. There was a part of him that had just gotten robbed away from him. College was never supposed to be like this.

However, Mark’s gentleness was always welcoming, enveloping him in a caring warmth so unknowingly that it made him feel special and wanted, seen and appreciated. May be he was in over his head but there was nothing he could do about it. Mark was a senior, highly respected for his contribution to sport and his love for math. But more than that, he was an amazing friend and person who had become Jackson’s saviour on more than one occasion.

Jackson shook his head shyly at the question and went back to reading his book. His turbulent feelings for Mark scared him, jarring him at nights, making him breathless with yearning. It was not easy to leash in feelings at his age. At least that’s what he had read when he had googled the stuff up. Really, his web history was totally embarrassing.

“Need some help with your paper?” Mark asked, still smiling gently, stroking the pages of the book that Jackson was trying to read. Jackson smiled again. It was like a game somehow. He smiled, then Mark did, and then he did again. It only made his heart somersault. Really, Mark wasn’t helping him cope.

“You are offering help as if you don’t have tons of stuff on your plate right now, gege.”

Mark’s smile seemed to widen.

“What can I say, I am so used to helping you out that I just can’t hold it back.” Mark got up at that, stuffing his books in his bag.

“May be after you are done with practice? May be you can just indebt me even-”

“Gaga, stop. You think I would just stand by when I saw you getting bullied day in day out by Charlie and his posse? No chance. Honestly, would have done the same for anyone. I don’t take such matters lightly. Stop feeling indebted.”

Mark’s words were basically the same, every time Jackson brought it up. It was strange how something bad had led him to someone so unbelievably good like Mark.

“You better eat before your next class, yeah? I will see you later.” Mark waved before rushing towards the field.

Jackson stared up at the sky. It was sunny but not too bright to hurt. The grass was green and freshly maintained, or so he thought. He was not going to be able to concentrate on reading much anyway so he dumped his books in his bag and laid down, gazing at the sky. He wished it was easy for him like it looked easy for the clouds to just move with the wind. Life had never been easy for him anyway so asking for too much would get him nowhere.

He still remembered how Mark’s fingers had curled around Charlie’s throat. Then he had lifted him up a good few inches above the ground and threw him away harshly. Mark had hurled abuses at Charlie and his friends, making sure he had brought his own in case things got too bad.

Jackson had quickly crawled back, cowering, he’s ears ringing with the punches being thrown in front of him. Mark’s friends had truly engaged because they were all athletes.

Charlie had spewed a lot of nonsense about Jackson and his family, about how Jackson didn’t deserve being in a prestigious college like this, how he was poor and worthless. Mark had punctuated his responses with back to back shoves and punches, making the guy stumble back and cry in pain. Jackson had had no idea where these seniors had come from but he did recognize them in their team uniforms. It had ended in a flash in Jackson’s mind somehow. Mark was yelling threats into Charlie’s face, promising him a severe fate if he ever even looked in Jackson’s direction again, if he ever dared to lay hands on a junior. Charlie had conceded and run off with his friends, limping his way out of the grounds.

“Hey, you alright?” one of the seniors had asked.

Jackson was still shaking with fear because Charlie had promised to break his bones and take videos of his ordeal that day, even threated to ingest him with drugs so that he got suspended for good.

“Hey, it’s alright. Nobody’s going to hurt you.” A senior had slowly put his hand on his shoulder. Jackson nodded, pulling his knees closer to his body and sobbing quietly. He knew it had been a bad idea when he had decided to stay back late at the library to complete his assignments but Jinyoung had promised to be there with him. However, he hadn’t shown, making Jackson worry and wander around the campus to look for him. That’s how he had become an easy target for Charlie who was waiting to pounce on him when he least expected it.

“My name’s Jaebeom and he’s Mark.” The senior pointed towards the boy who had beat Charlie black and blue. He was crouched on the ground, panting, his lip bloody and knuckles hurt.

“I…”

“Damn that Charlie…I am going to make sure he gets punished…” Mark had muttered.

Jackson’s lip had trembled, more tears making their way down his cheeks. The senior near him had patted his head and given him some water to drink. Jackson’s clothes were torn in places and he had a gash on his arm which was bleeding profusely.

“Don’t you have any friends?” Mark had asked, almost exasperatedly while looking at him because this wasn’t the first time he had intervened in Charlie’s bullying plans.

Jackson’s heart had constricted at the question. He didn’t have anyone but Jinyoung because they both came from the same background. They had worked two jobs to help pay their tuition, studied in basements of the houses they cleaned over the weekend because they wanted to have a better future, so they could find the light at the end of the tunnel.

“I do. One. Park Jinyoung. He’s in my class.” Jackson responded, heart worrying at Jinyoung’s absence.

“And he didn’t know about Charlie?” Jaebeom asked and Jackson gulped.

“You should have friends so that you don’t have to face such things alone. You are lucky one of my friends got to know of Charlie’s plan to really mess you up. If not for him, we wouldn’t have been able to save you.”

Jackson grabbed at his knees tightly and sobbed.

“Stop scaring him, will you?” Jaebeom had berated Mark who in turn had huffed.

Mark had walked to him and crouched in front of him.

“What’s your name?”

Jackson had looked up with teary eyes and told him. That had been the start of a friendship Jackson cared for more than anything in his life.

Mark had been his guide, friend and a steadily positive influence in his life. He had helped Jinyoung and him find better part time jobs, helped them study well and make the most of their time at college. One of Mark’s friends would always volunteer to drop them home so they could save the bus fare. It was really a big change that had brought Jinyoung and him to a better place in their lives and they couldn’t be more indebted and thankful. But Jackson’s feeling of thankfulness had steadily turned into that of wanting. Mark’s presence was just that magnetic and soothing. Jackson was hooked and there was no way he could find a way out.

The best part about Mark was that his kindness was not restricted to just Jinyoung and him. He would be ready to help anyone in need, go out of his way to make people’s lives easier when it really wasn’t his responsibility. It was really easy to love Mark, he was lovable and Jackson’s heart was weak.

The best days would be when Mark would whisper to him in Chinese, cracking jokes while the rest of their friends looked on. Jinyoung would frown too about how he wasn’t privy to what Mark was saying. They would do this purposely to tease everyone and Jackson just loved having that with Mark. Then there were also days when Mark’s mood would slump but Jackson would never dare ask why, too scared to cross a line. So Jackson would treat him to coffee and a Snickers because that was all he could afford. Mark would perk up after a bite or two and just smile softly at him in thanks. Slowly, Mark’s friends had all become his geges and it had just been amazing to have a whole group of good seniors on his side.

“Mr McDreamy,” Jinyoung muttered in his ear and Jackson yelped.

“STOP SNEAKING UP ON ME, YOU DUMBASS,” Jackson yelled but laughed right after because Jinyoung was wearing a stupid cat ears headband.

“What the fuck is that?”

“Cheerleaders put it on me to see if it was any good. Turns out they loved it too much and wouldn’t let me remove it. They paid me 50 bucks to keep it on until their practice ended.”

“Oh really? The things you do for extra cash, Nyoungie,” Jackson snorted and got hit in return.

“The things you do for loveeeeee,” Jinyoung taunted and Jackson had to groan.

Jinyoung got to know of his feelings for Mark when he had cried his eyes out after finding out Mark was going out with a girl from the cheerleading team. It had been months ago and thinking about that day still hurt Jackson so he never talked about it with Jinyoung. But the brat was perceptive and had easily deduced the rest over time.

“I really can’t do anything for him, can I? He’s always going to be doing things for me. How do I ever repay a guy like him?”

“By loving him and taking care of him. Guys like him are always giving what they have to people but they also need time and attention.”

“Thanks for your lecture, Jinyoung gege, let’s get to class. Remove that damn thing, will you? I cannot take you seriously in it.”

They had headed to class, getting back to a routine where they had to forget all their personal issues and get to studying.

 

 

 

Once done with classes, Jackson went to the field to see Mark practice. It was always like that. Jinyoung and he would sit on the bleachers and watch Mark and Jaebeom play, cheer them on, sometimes bring them snacks and water. But today, there was a large group of girls sitting in Jackson’s and Jinyoung’s spot, so they both lingered. Finally they decided to sit somewhere else, albeit with a huff.

The girls were loud and cheery for the boys, especially Mark and Jackson couldn’t school his face every time some girl yelled out his name.

“Easy there, lover boy,” Jinyoung snorted, rubbing at his arm soothingly.

“Will he…will he start dating again…? What if he does? I…” Jackson closed his eyes.

“So what if he does? It’s not like he knows about how you feel. You can’t expect him to be single just because you are such a scared little cat, Jackson.” Jinyoung clicked his tongue. They had always argued about Jackson not sharing his feelings with Mark. Jinyoung thought it was important for Mark to know how Jackson felt. But Jackson was too scared to even try, fearing Mark would think he had misunderstood his kindness for something else.

“But…but I can’t just-”

“Yes, you can. What is the worst that’s gonna happen, Jack? He’s gonna say no. It’s not like he’s going to stop being your friend.” Jackson’s stomach turned. A no would mean a heartbreak and he wasn’t ready for it. Also, what if Mark decided to not be his friend anymore? That would just kill him.

“I can’t. I just can’t.”

Jinyoung huffed as they both stared at Mark’s happy face after he had scored a goal, giving up on the topic.

 

 

 

Sometimes, Jackson’s fears just came true and even if he anticipated them, his heart didn’t really support his will to remain strong. When he and Jinyoung had walked into the campus the next day, they had seen Mark with one of the girls from yesterday. He had his arm around her shoulder and was talking to her animatedly with the rest of their group. They were all seniors so Jackson didn’t necessarily go and greet them. He tugged at Jinyoung’s arm and rushed to class, not having the will or the heart to look in Mark’s direction.

The entire day, he had successfully dodged seeing Mark. It wasn’t hard. He just had to be someplace else than his usual hangouts. Mark had called him up several times but he had ignored the calls with a heavy heart.

That day, he and Jinyoung had taken the bus home, quickly slipping off the campus without anybody knowing or seeing.

Mark had left him several text messages, some casual but the rest a bit frantic, worried about his safety. Jackson’s heart hurt but he decided it was now or never to get over these feelings or he was going to wallow in sadness forever.

Days went by, Jackson and Mark barely interacted. Jackson had told Mark he needed to study more and that’s why he couldn’t come see him play. Mark was busy dating the girl Jackson had seen him with.

It was painful, Jackson had to accept. He missed Mark a lot. There was no way of expressing how much he just wanted to sit with the elder and smile at him, spend some time with him talking about mundane things, bring him coffee or snacks between classes. It felt like a dream, the times that they had spent doing just that.

Jaebeom, however, was not too easy to ignore because he always seemed to find him and Jinyoung. They would always hang out because Jaebeom didn’t have Mark to hang out with anymore, what with his girlfriend hogging all his time and all.

But one such afternoon when Jaebeom was hanging out with Jackson and Jinyoung at a nearby coffee shop, Mark had shown up unexpectedly and cleared his throat.

Jackson had stiffened immediately, not sure why.

“What’s going on?” he had asked seriously and the three of them had fallen quiet.

“Oh, you are here?” Jaebeom asked nonchalantly.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Mark seemed a bit mad for some reason and Jackson’s stomach dropped at the slight hurt that was visible on his face.

“I thought you would be with Mandy, since you barely have time to hang out with me anymore.” Jaebeom said calmly and Jackson saw Mark pop a vein.

“Got a problem with Mandy? Newsflash, we broke up.”

The three of them widened their eyes at the news.

“But you just started dating her a month ago…”

“I know, Jaebeom, but she’s a bit much. She never let me make any plans, she’s always so selfish, going around telling people to not hang out with me. Did she tell you guys the same?”

Jaebeom shook his head and so did Jinyoung and Jackson. Of course she wouldn’t have anything to say to Jinyoung and Jackson because they didn’t hang out with Mark anymore. Mark’s frown deepened.

“Then why did you guys just…start ignoring me?”

The question made Jackson uncomfortable so he looked at Jinyoung. Even if Mark had broken up with his girlfriend, it didn’t mean that Jackson stopped feeling sad. Four weeks of his life had been spent in pain.

“What? Nobody’s ignoring you or anything. I was just giving you space because I didn’t want to intrude.” Jaebeom said softly, gesturing Mark to take a seat. Mark did and looked straight at Jackson.

“Gaga, what about you? Ignoring gege suddenly huh? You never even reply to my texts or answer my calls, don’t come to see at the practice or ask me for help with your papers.” It sounded like a complaint and a question at the same time.

Jackson’s face flushed at Mark’s undivided attention.

“Nothing like that, gege. I was busy and I knew you barely had time for-”

“You thought I wouldn’t have time for you?” Mark sounded hurt now and Jackson’s heart palpitated. “Do you not know me at all, you guys?” he looked at all of them, hurt plastered all over his face.

Jackson bit his lip, heart hammering loudly in his chest with the urge to immediately comfort Mark and erase all his sadness.

“Sorry, hyung. Let’s hang out more from tomorrow, okay?” Jinyoung chirped, signalling the barista to make Mark a coffee.

It seemed to relax Mark a bit but he still couldn’t stop looking at Jackson. Had it been that long since he had last seen Jackson? A month? What was the weird tension he felt in his body as he looked at Jackson’s flushed face? Was it concern? He didn’t understand so he just sighed.

They spent a while in an awkward silence, barely talking to each other.

“I will drop you and Jinyoung home today. Okay?” Mark asked Jackson and even if he wanted to decline, he didn’t have the heart to treat Mark differently than how he would usually. He didn’t want to hurt the elder intentionally now that he was single again. So he nodded as they got up to leave.

Waving Jaebeom a quick goodbye, Jinyoung and Jackson got in Mark’s car. Jinyoung was riding shotgun because he knew Jackson was already squirmy.

“Hyung, can I ask you something?” Jinyoung spoke up after a few minutes of riding in silence.

“Hmm?”

Jackson didn’t know what Jinyoung was going to ask Mark about but he felt afraid for some reason.

“Why did you really break up with that girl? Just because she wanted your undivided attention?”

Jackson gulped. Jinyoung was crossing a line. They never asked the seniors personal questions like these. Mark chuckled, making Jackson frown.

“Honestly, she just didn’t make me smile.”

 

 

 

Things had gotten back a bit to normal but Jackson still avoided being alone with Mark, dragging Jinyoung or Jaebeom along wherever they went. His conscious effort to not be alone with Mark didn’t go unnoticed by Jaebeom or Mark.

Jaebeom cornered him one afternoon when he was headed to the cafeteria.

“Sseun, why won’t you be alone with Mark anymore? Has he done something wrong? I remember you guys reading together in the library, buying food now and then. What happened?”

Jackson’s face tried to display one emotion clearly but failed. He was scared, sad, startled all at once by the question.

“It’s nothing. I just-”

“I am Mark’s best friend, Jackson. I can see that he is bothered by it. If he has done something wrong, just tell him. He keeps overthinking things.”

Jackson didn’t know if Mark ever thought about him after they left the campus. They never met after Jackson went home from the college so even hearing that Mark was overthinking about his efforts to not be alone with him, was a bit jarring.

“Jackson…do you…maybe…like him? Are you scared to confess or something? You changed after he started dating Mandy.”

Jackson blushed, stuttered and turned around, making a run to the cafeteria. Jaebeom snorted. Jinyoung’s cues were always so telling. The boy shadowed Jackson non-stop, helping him evade alone time with Mark. It made Jaebeom connect the dots because Jinyoung would always look angry doing it. This was going to be interesting.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :) <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM ALIVE I AM ALIVE DONT FORGET ME I AM WORKING ON THE WOLF FIC AND IN THE MEANTIME THOUGHT TO UPLOAD THIS. i hope you like this @Queen_Preferences

Mark didn’t know why he was being ignored by Jackson. They hadn’t talked much in the past few weeks, ever since he had started dating Mandy. Even after the break up, Jackson refused to be alone with him. Jinyoung tagged along with them all the time. Not that he minded it, but it was just weird. It didn’t sit well with him at all. Jackson was always the quiet, sweet type. He never did something to hurt someone. There was no way Jackson was doing this to hurt him. He thought about asking him what was wrong and tried to go to sleep. He had no idea why it bothered him so much. Probably, it was because he had got really close to the boy, thought about his wellbeing a lot and always found Jackson cheering for him and smiling at him warmly. There was a very soft spot in his heart for this boy. Jackson didn’t come from a privileged family. He and Jinyoung lived together in a room down town. Sometimes, they would even skip meals to save money. It horrified Mark to think that there were students like Jackson and Jinyoung who were living minimalistic lives just to be able to complete their education. It was heart-breaking. Countless times, Mark had bought them groceries and stationary just because he couldn’t see them struggle for food and college essentials. Jackson would always say the most heartfelt thank yous to him. Mark never thought he needed to be grateful. Taking care of Jackson had become a habit.

Now that Jackson was distancing himself from him, he couldn’t help but feel a little sad. Was his attachment to Jackson one-sided? No, no. That couldn’t be true. Agreed, he never met Jackson after college hours or ventured into his private life apart from the times he dropped him home or bought them stuff, but he did feel like he knew a lot about the boy. Jackson wasn’t hiding stuff from him, right? May be he could talk to Jinyoung? Jinyoung was pretty straightforward and bubbly. May be he could tell him what was wrong. Mark’s eyes started getting heavy and he finally slept, Jackson’s face flashing in front of his eyes before he surrendered to sleep.

**

“Oi, Park Jinyoung,” Jaebeom yelled and Jinyoung stopped in his tracks. This was bad, this was bad. If Jaebeom asked him point blank about Jackson and Mark, there was no way he was going to be able to lie about it. Jackson had already told him that Jaebeom had made a wild guess about it. He resumed walking slowly, without turning back, hoping Jaebeom wouldn’t stop him. But then, an arm was slung around his neck and a sharp snort was heard.

“First Jackson, now you. He likes Mark so he’s avoiding him. What is your reason of avoiding me? Don’t tell me, you like me-”

“HYUNG! Shush!” Jinyoung pulled him to the side, silencing him with a squeeze on his arms.

Jaebeom’s eyes looked mischievous. He was truly enjoying this.

“Can you not tell Mark hyung? Jackson will combust. He’s a coward. He has never even tried to tell Mark once. If you tell him, Jackson will die of regret. Please don’t.” Jinyoung pouted and clearly Jaebeom was weak for shit like this so he nodded and then smiled.

“Mark’s been sulky since a week now. He’s unbearable when sulky. Can you encourage Jackson to talk to him? I cannot tolerate his sullen face. Please,” Jaebeom whined, his smile disappearing so fast that Jinyoung felt jarred.

“Ugh. You think I haven’t tried? He’s pathetic. He’s so scared that hyung is going to stop being his friend. That and he is so desperate that he doesn’t want to hear a no. Pathetic.”

“Hmm…” Jaebeom could see where Jackson was coming from. However, love needed risks. There was no way Jackson was ever going to know Mark’s answer if he never asked. “Let’s lock them up or something,” Jaebeom whispered and Jinyoung guffawed.

“That’s so…old school. No. Jackson will see right through it and clamp up like an idiot. We have to think about something else.”

“Right. Then how about…”

 

**

Jackson was on his way to the library when he suddenly heard someone talk about Mark. His steps slowed down until he would clearly hear what was being said.

“-about moving to Canada. I think in a week. Ah! So cool. We can always go hang out at Mark’s once in a while.”

Jackson’s eyes widened. Mark was…moving to…Canada? In…a…week? His head spun and he felt a bit disoriented. Tears pooled in his eyes and he wobbled his way to the library. Was that why Mark had tried to talk to him so many times? Did he want to tell him this news and he had just ignored the elder? His heartbeat picked up. He only had one week with Mark left.

He rushed towards the library, unable to comprehend the news until he dashed someone.

“Hey…are you alright?”

It was Jaebeom. Jackson couldn’t hold it in in front of him. So he let out a pained sob and hid in his chest.

“Hey…what happened?” Jaebeom patted his back gently before squeezing him close.

“Gegegoingtocanadaandidont,” was something he muttered against the man’s chest.

“Huh? I don’t understand,” Jaebeom sounded confused so Jackson came out of hiding. There were a lot of tears and a lot of snot and a very red faced Jackson. Jaebeom was about to laugh in his face but willed himself not to.

“What happened, Jackson?” Jaebeom asked softly and a few more tears dropped out of Jackson’s eyes.

“He’s going to Canada? In a week?”

Ok so, Jaebeom’s plan had worked. Jackson had already heard the news. And as expected, it was hard for him to digest.

“Oh…hmm…yeah. He’s got some family stuff going on. He’s moving there.”

Jackson let out another pained sob and hugged Jaebeom tightly. Now, the plan started going horribly wrong when one of Charlie’s friends overheard this.

**

Jackson wanted to go home. He didn’t want to see Mark. He would have a mental breakdown if he did. So, he grabbed Jinyoung during the break and asked him to go home with him. Jinyoung wasn’t having any of it.

“So what? You are such a coward. Why must we miss classes because you are a coward? If only you told him how you felt, you wouldn’t be here suffering like this.” Jinyoung hissed as they walked down the corridor.

“Jinyoung, please. Please. If I see him now, I will really break down. I cannot face him. I don’t want him to ask questions. I am so…scared. I am not going to see him the next week. He’s going away…” Jackson’s face scrunched in pain so Jinyoung agreed to leave with him. After all, Jaebeom’s plan was working. May be this was the push Jackson needed to confess.

“Coward.”

**

Jinyoung and Jackson were sneaking out of the campus, avoiding prying eyes. Just when they were about to step out, Charlie and his gang surrounded them. Jackson hadn’t seen Charlie in a long time, thanks to Mark and his friends. But seeing him again gave him war flashbacks. He clutched Jinyoung’s hand tightly and gulped. He had no idea who would come help them in the parking lot.

“Well, well, well. Look who it is…literally poor Park and Wang. Sad, sad, sad. I don’t see any of your saviours around today. Sad that the main one is about to boot from here. I wonder how it will feel when he’s not around…” Charlie stepped closer and smirked in front of Jackson’s face.

“Leave us alone,” Jinyoung yelled but his voice had cracked right away. Jackson could sense how scared he was because his hand was trembling. Jinyoung had asked Jaebeom to not let anybody follow them or keep an eye on them, lest Jackson became suspicious. Now, he was totally regretting it. Nobody was going to come save them.

“Park, stop screaming like a little girl. Do you want to be disciplined?” Charlie tugged at Jinyoung’s bag and it fell on the ground with a light thud.

“I wonder what is inside a poor boy’s bag. Let’s see,” Charlie picked up the bag and showed it around to his friends who laughed. This felt like a high school bullying episode. Jinyoung frowned and bit his lip in restrained anger.

“Ew…smells so poor. Poor, poor, poor…” he emptied the contents of Jinyoung’s bag on the ground. All his books scattered around. Pages and notes flew around and Jinyoung wanted to curse.

“Oh no, who’s going to help you now…?” Charlie mocked as he stamped on the books with his muddy shoes.

Jackson was about to cry. This wasn’t happening. How did Charlie know Mark was leaving? Did this mean he was going to bully them again?

“Charlie.” Someone called out Charlie’s name and he froze. It was Mark. There were at least ten more of his friends standing behind him.

“What had I told you about never looking in Jackson’s direction again? How dare you bully him and Jinyoung?” Mark’s voice was laced with so much hatred that it sent chills down Jackson’s spine. Tears easily fell from his eyes. Mark was here again to protect him. How would it be when he was gone?

It had been an emotionally taxing day for Jackson so his head started pounding badly. He sobbed loudly enough for Mark to hear. The distress was so disturbing that Mark moved without thinking, socked Charlie and rushed towards Jackson.

“Charlie, leave or get beaten up again. You don’t want to be reported to the Headmaster again. I won’t hesitate this time, you bastard,” Mark yelled. Charlie took a step back and hissed at the pain in his jaw. He turned around and spat right on Jinyoung’s book. Jaebeom lodged another punch on his face without any hesitation and wiped Jinyoung’s book on his shirt.

“Don’t ever look at them ever again. If you do, I will break you like a twig.” Jaebeom’s voice had never sounded this cold before. Jinyoung’s lip trembled. They had been so lucky to have such people looking after them. He looked at Jaebeom and felt his heart clench. Jaebeom gave him a small smile and saw to it that Charlie and his friends left.

Jackson had almost fainted with fear, pain and exhaustion so Mark wrapped an arm around his waist.

“Is he alright?” Mark’s voice was full of concern. Jinyoung shook his head because there was no point in lying.

“I am going to drive the two of you home so-”

“Hyung…take him with you. May be get him to eat something. He hasn’t eaten anything. He won’t listen to me. I will wait for you in the library. Jaebeom hyung is here with me,” Jinyoung muttered soft. Mark stared at him for a second before nodding.

“Ge…” Jackson protested by Mark shushed him with a look. “Let’s get you something to eat, okay? I will bring you back here. No need to panic anymore. Charlie’s gone.”

Jackson couldn’t say anything. He gave Jinyoung a betrayed look but he just rolled his eyes in response and walked away with Jaebeom.

Jackson was too sensitized to be able to sit without fidgeting in the passenger seat beside Mark. The car smelled familiar. He was going to miss everything about Mark.

Mark bought a fat order of burgers and chocolate shakes and they drove away to an unknown location.

“Eat,” Mark insisted so Jackson grabbed a fry and put it in his mouth. His face was slowly turning red because he had never sat in the passenger seat before. He had never taken a ride in Mark’s car with him alone.

“What is up with you lately? I have been meaning to ask you. You don’t talk to me anymore, don’t answer my calls or text me. This is so unlike you…” Mark sounded hurt and it didn’t sit well with Jackson.

“Sorry…I…I didn’t want to be burden…”

“That’s bullshit, GaGa, and you know it. Did I do something to upset you? Just tell me and I will fix it.” He sounded so genuine that Jackson’s heart thumped loudly his chest.

Jackson’s eyes welled with tears. He was sending Mark away to Canada with this kind of a feeling. Mark had never done anything to upset him but here he was making Mark feel bad and hurt. He sniffled and Mark didn’t know what to do. He looked around. They had driven into a factory zone. A little further was a hilltop that Mark really liked. He pressed the gas pedal and they sped towards it.

Within a few minutes, Mark stopped the car and breathed out.

“I really made you cry, huh…? Didn’t know I could do that without knowing.” The slump of his shoulders was telling enough that he was disturbed so Jackson cried even more.

“No…Ge…” Mark had stepped out of the car so Jackson immediately followed.

They stood in silence as Jackson tried to process his feelings and Mark tried to calm down.

“I don’t know what I did wrong, GaGa. I really don’t. Please tell me. I have been so confused with your behaviour…I don’t know what to do,” he looked at Jackson with so much emotion that he just couldn’t hold it in.

“DON’T GO! PLEASE, GE. DON’T GO!” Jackson screamed and grabbed his shirt between his fists. He cried harder and held on to Mark tighter.

“What do you-”

Jackson’s mind was no longer in his control nor was his heart.

“If you go, how am I supposed to live? If I don’t see you every day, see you play, see you smile, see you be you…how am I supposed to live? I cannot. I really cannot. I would rather you not speak to me anymore than not see you every day. I need to see you. I am so…I am so weak for you. I just…”

Mark didn’t understand what was happening but his heart had sped up looking at Jackson’s big eyes full of tears, his red lips trembling and his voice breaking in the most vulnerable way.

“I don’t under-”

Jackson pulled him closer and nuzzled his neck, crying against it. Mark’s arm instinctively came to wrap around him and hold him gently.

“What is it, GaGa? Where do you think I am going? I don’t know what you are-”

Jackson came out of his hold and frowned. He held Mark’s face tightly and made a horrible sound.

“Canada. You…Ge…how can you just leave? How do you…oh my God…do you know how hard it is to…just look at you from afar…and just…be satisfied with that much? To…to…just see you smile and tell myself that you are happy so I can be too? How much…it hurts…when you…when you…” Jackson’s legs gave and he crashed on his knees. He held onto Mark’s knees and wailed.

Mark looked at him, eyes wide in confusion and surprise.

“When I what? What did I do to you to…make you like this?”

“You…dating. I cannot…tolerate it. I just…” he hugged Mark’s knees and sobbed freely.

“Wait…what?” Mark patted his head and slowly things started making sense. Jackson’s weird behaviour every time he was seeing someone, the way he avoided him…the way he looked so heartbroken and kicked puppy-like…Jackson was…interested in him? Like that? Mark’s heartbeat picked up. Holy shit. So, all those smiles, all that care and all that attention, the silent worship, the sweetness and cuteness…

“GaGa?” he was scared but excited at the same time. This was…eye opening. This was really something he had never thought about but he couldn’t deny how much he loved having Jackson’s undivided attention on him. He absolutely loved it. He craved it and it he revelled in it. Jackson was always on his mind every time he saw something nice, when he was happy, when he was sad. Could it be that he had…missed the signs? He always wanted to take care of Jackson. Jackson always made him smile. Jackson…

Jackson looked up at him with his red face and big eyes. From this angle, Mark felt overwhelmed at how expressive Jackson’s eyes were. His whole face…flawless, cute, so very cute and adorable.

“Ge…I cannot say it again so please listen to me carefully…” he cleared his throat. The tip of his ears were so red that Mark wanted to touch them but he couldn’t get distracted now, could he?

“O…k. What is it?”

“I am so in love with you. I have been in love with you since long. I cannot live without you. I need you so much. I want to see you smile and I always want to make you happy. I love you so much. I want to take care of you. You are always taking care of others so I want to take care of you. I wasn’t brave enough to tell you this because I didn’t want to lose your friendship. I was scared, Ge. But now, now…you are about to go to Canada and I won’t even be able to look at you or be around you. I had to tell you the truth before you leave…you always protect me but I also want to protect you. I want to love you so much, it is overwhelming. I cannot breathe,” Jackson huffed after speaking a lot too fast so he rested his temple against Mark’s knee for a moment.

“I love you, Mark. Please don’t leave me. It’s okay even if you don’t love me back. It’s okay even if you break our friendship over this…but…I needed to tell you.”

Mark’s world was spinning. This was so…unexpected but…pleasant? He could totally imagine Jackson going to any length to make him happy. He could also see how genuine Jackson’s feelings were. Jackson had never said anything to him all this time because he was scared of his reaction. He had even endured him dating somebody else. Jackson had loved him while being in the background. But what was this about Canada?

“I…listen GaGa-”

“No need to say anything. I know you don’t feel the same way but can you please consider not going away? Please? You can stop being my friend, stop talking to me. I will live with it but…but please be here. I want to be able to see you. I really…it’s all I ask of you, Ge. Please.”

Mark’s hand in his hair tightened for a moment before loosening.

“I am not going to Canada. I never was. I don’t know who told you this but…I am not. Also, I am not going to break our friendship or stop talking to you because you…confessed. I am not an idiot.”

Jackson’s heart did a somersault. Had Jaebeom lied to him? Was it his trick to make him confess? Oh Lord.

“It was Jaebeom Ge. He said you are leaving…and I just…” he held onto Mark tightly.

“Get up, Jesus.” Mark grabbed him by the arms and made him stand up. “Not going anywhere, GaGa. Promise,” he pulled the boy closer and hugged him. Jackson was so small in a way. He could tuck him under his chin like this and hug him so easily. It was so cute. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit.

“Stupid boy,” Mark muttered, heart going badum baDUM BADUM in his chest.

“Thank you,” Jackson breathed a sigh of relief and clung to him without any reservations.

“I…give me some time…to…”

“Ok. I am ready for whatever your answer is as long as you stay right here.”

**

That night Mark couldn’t sleep at all. He couldn’t stop replaying Jackson’s words in his head. It was…surreal…to be loved by someone like Jackson. Jackson was himself so lovable…!!!!!!

Ok Mark had to do some self-introspection but he could just talk to Jaebeom instead of doing that so he called him up.

“Hey, Jae…”

“It’s 1 a.m., you fucker…” he yawned into the phone but didn’t hang up. “What do you want?”

“Am I in love with Jackson? He said he’s in love with me. But am I?”

Jaebeom sighed.

“How do you feel when he smiles at you?”

Mark thought for a second and then answered “Amazing!”

“Do you want to beat up Charlie for him?”

“Absolutely. Charlie’s gonna lose a limb next time he attempts something and-”

“Would you be okay seeing him with someone else?”

“NO! WHAT THE HELL! WHOM? SEE HIM WITH WHOM?”

“Ok. You are in love with him. Congratulations, you dumb fuck.”

“Oh…”

“Goodnight.”

“No, wait-” Jaebeom had hung up on him.

Mark felt like he was floating. He looked at one of Jackson’s pictures in his phone. _Adorable_. _Cute_. _Very cute_ _when shy_.

So he texted Jackson at 1.15 am that…

_GaGa, please protect me and take care of me. GeGe loves your smile. May be give GeGe some kisses too?_

When Jackson read the text at 6.15 in the morning, he screamed like a little girl, made all the dogs in the neighbourhood bark crazily and Jinyoung slap his face with a pillow.

When he saw Mark waiting to pick them up downstairs, he couldn’t help but hide behind Jinyoung. Jinyoung’s disgusted face made Mark laugh.

“I have no idea what you said to him but please don’t do that again. He created a ruckus in the morning.”

“I will try,” Mark winked at him and Jinyoung made a distressed noise.

“Please keep the car PG. OUCH!” Jackson had pinched his butt angrily so the both of them started hitting each other while Mark watched fondly.

When they were done, Jackson proudly sat beside Mark and pushed Jinyoung in the back seat.

“Hyung…I pity you.”

Mark snickered at that. The next moment a quick kiss was planted on his cheek. When he looked at Jackson, he found him hiding his face in his hands. The tip of ears were red.

“Cute. Cute, cute, cute, cute. CUTE.”

While Jinyoung made gagging noises in the back, Mark drove towards the college with a smile plastered on his face. He was sure it was never going to go away as long as Jackson was by his side.

 

 


End file.
